letter to the girl next door

Dear girl who works just opposite me
To begin with, yes I know you’re a beautiful female. Such females do exist, please stop leaking your lips and doing that hair thing gals usually do, and stop thinking you’re the only young fella around. You’re probably 23 or 22, you could even be 28, my co-worker is almost 29 but she looks 23. Stop making a fool of yourself by pretending like you’re the most beautiful thing around. Your not. If you think so, you wouldn’t look at my sisters when they come around,…. yah don’t pretend, your jealous because you think they are cute, cuter than you.
Stop using that accent, your tongue is not flexible. Leave it to the whites or people like us who went to good primary schools. And stop laughing at these guys when they beat a buffalo, it can happen to anyone, ask your mayor.
I have a feeling you go home and tell everyone how the guy who works in the opposite window has a thing for you and you probably add on how everyone has a thing for you. We all have girlfriends and some have wives, its only that we don’t want them to see where we work, they’ll demand for more.
I’ve caught you staring, not once and not twice but three times this week. I don’t blame you, I changed my entire new wardrobe. Uhmm, so why don’t you for once just accept that a brother has great taste..Hmmm? What's wrong with you, I wont bite. Am fed up of you borrowing my newspapers, ok its not that am tired, I just don’t get why you’ve to send your brother, why don’t you pick it yourself. And stop filling my crosswords when you’re not sure. Please use a pencil, it costs me a grand. And why do you talk on phone while looking this side? Acting all happy with smiles and hugs, do you want me to assume its your boyfriend calling? Pliiizzzz. The guy doesn’t even call you for more than two minutes.
You over eat chips. Can you please grow up. You ate chips on Monday, Tuesday and you’ll eat them again tomorrow. What's wrong with you? We know your young. Aren't you jealous when you see me with uhuru, nandos chips, luwombo from nalongo….hmmmm? Do not pretend that you do not see them; I make sure I stand up so that you can see them clearly, and I see you looking at your soda miserably when you see me sipping my juice. Hmmm?
By the way, I happen to know your name, ehhhhhhhh. I will not mention it but I know it. I got it from the guy who takes our food orders. And I know you know my name, because people always shout it out when Arsenal losses and Utd wins. I see that glow that comes on your face when they mention it...hhmmmm.
Your hot, everybody knows you are hot, but they are all too old for you, they are almost your dad’s age. Your dad talks to me and he likes me, he has that look of ‘I wish my son was like me’ when he looks at me. You have asked everyone around, correction, the old men around, to buy you a soda or airtime and the best you can ask from me is newspapers? You do not even talk to me directly. What's wrong with you?